Extract from https://qr.ae/prrOMg

  • https://www.quora.com/How-do-guys-deal-with-breakups-after-10-years-of-a-relationship

Just like anybody else, men can experience remorse or regret over a decision they made. To think that men can’t regret their behavior is naive, to say the least.

I once had a professor of philosophy tell me something rather profound about how relationships work. Ever since he mentioned it to me, it has stuck around, and I’ve repeated it many times. He said, “Moses, you never know the beginning of something unless you also know its ending. You can’t understand what the significance of a book’s beginning is without also knowing its ending. The same goes for relationships: it is only when it ends that you understand it.”

Of course, being the young buck that I was, I disagreed with him at times. But life has taught me otherwise. I think he’s right. You don’t actually know the other person until you two fight and breakup.

It’s in the way a person breaks up with you that you learn the most about them. You learn how they will treat you when they are at their worst. And believe me, sometimes the things we imagine about the Other are completely wrong. The girl you thought would be kind and compassionate is batshit crazy. The guy you thought was understanding and loving is a goddamn abusive son of a bitch.

And you would not know any of this had you not broken up.

I once heard a pastor say, “The blessing is in the breaking.” He used to say it all of the time. Of course, I’m taking his remark out of context but it works here too. The blessing is in the breaking. When you break up with someone, you get a glimpse of a side of them you’ve never seen before. The end determines the beginning. What was present yet hidden at the beginning is now revealed at the end.

I once dated a girl that appeared to be the epitome of grace. I used to marvel at how gracious and caring and kind she was. When we did break up, one of the most unexpected things happened: the graciousness and the care that I thought I had once seen in her, vanished in a heartbeat. We’re not talking just a little change-of-heart or “Oh, she’s having a bad day”; we’re talking a Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde type of change. It went from zero-to-sixty in a second.

After the breakup, she refused to speak to me, even though I asked if we could break up on “cordial terms.” None of that happened. What followed was a nightmare not worth repeating here (and, to be frank, it’s all rather personal anyhow). What I will say is this: you don’t really know someone until you’ve broken up with them. The way she treated me during the break-up taught me more than enough about who she was as a person on a very intimate level. And, to be honest, it wasn’t the person I was dating.

And, finally, in regards to your question. Yes, of course, guys experience remorse. I know I have. Sometimes time away from a person makes you recognize what it is that made you love them in the first place. Distance isn’t always a bad thing. Breaking up or taking a break isn’t always a bad thing. There is a lesson to be learned there, too.

On a brighter note, I recently got into an argument with a friend of mine over something silly. He offended me; I confronted him about it. And, you know, instead of being an asshole (which I thought he would be), he took the high road and apologized. I wasn’t expecting it at all. It caught me by surprise. Again: there are things that you learn in the breaking.

The blessing is in the breaking. And the end determines the beginning.

Good luck, ya’ll. Stay safe out there! It can certainly be a cruel, cruel world!

Moses Yuriyvich Mikheyev @ Quora